Wednesday 25 April 2007

You can't help smiling

It's not all doom and gloom in court. Indeed there are times when it's difficult to keep a straight face. One lady - many years ago - found it absolutely impossible. Unfortunately, she was the defendant!

We were sitting in the fines court and I was in the chair. The lady in question was up before us for non-payment of a fine for no TV licence imposed about 18 months previously, with payments ordered at the rate of £3 a week, with no payments at all having been made. This was well before the days of Fines Enforcement Officers, so it was for us to decide what to do next. Summoned by the tannoy, she entered court beaming from ear to ear. She continued to beam as she confirmed her name, age and date of birth; agreed still smiling that the fine was hers and that she had made no payments. Smilingly she explained to us that what with one thing and another, not to mention what she owed on the club, she simply hadn't got around to making any payments.

I and my colleagues were not impressed with her lighthearted attitude to her predicament. I decided it was time for a few words. "I don't think you realise," I said sternly, "what a serious situation you are in. From what you have said, we could very easily conclude that you were culpably neglecting this fine, or even wilfully refusing to pay it. If that were our decision, we could send you to prison. -TODAY!"

"I know," she stammered, still grinning. "I'm scared shitless."

Appearances, I learned that day, can be deceptive.

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